he thought i was a dude.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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