you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
