i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
