turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
We have so much sex to catch up on
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
