Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
