Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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