So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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