'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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