Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I will be naked everywhere
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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