when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
