I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
