Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
