So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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