i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
