32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
