there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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