Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize