you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
