WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize