This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
