who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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