Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Randomize
