I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
how drunk are you?
Several
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
