their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
