@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
