I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
