i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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