Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
That's intense
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
