somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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