she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
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