if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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