so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
