the condom got lost in my hair
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Randomize
