Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
