my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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