so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
