Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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