so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
