I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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