you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
