Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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