Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I smell like Dick and happiness
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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