i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Let's get the cat blown out
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
