i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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