hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
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