No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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