My hair reeks of homosexuality.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Are we still banned from the library?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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