do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
