I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
