Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
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