Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
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