I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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