So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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