If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
