The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
