Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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