I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
