Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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