oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Someone shattered a urinal.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
