did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
