the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
did i walk over a car last night?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
