just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
