Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
