Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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