so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
