i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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