so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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