I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
