Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
