There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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