haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
