you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
